8 Months...

Best friends...

Mommy’s Lil Boy…

Everyone in the house has been a bit “off” lately. I’m not sure if it was just the stress of getting everything done for the girls christening last weekend or if it is just the way the planets have been aligned? I don’t know but it has been wearing us all out. The kids have been taking fewer naps during the day and staying up later. Needless to say, everyone is exhausted.

The past couple of days Aiden has been very sensitive. He will be fine, running around playing… loving life and then all of the sudden something will set him off and he will have a complete meltdown. I know he is really tired because he fights taking his naps during the day. He will be exhausted and hardly able to keep his eyes open and then he’ll just jump up and start playing to avoid falling asleep. Finally about 6-7pm he can’t hold his eyes open anymore and he just crashes. Needless to say, that interferes with dinner and normal bedtime. One of us stays up with him until we can get him to bed which has been between the hours of 11-12. Then one of us is usually up at least once if not twice during the night with the girls. So both John and I are exhausted.

Aiden has also been sleeping very restlessly at night. He still sleeps in bed with us, which I love. People can say whatever they want and I will get him into his own bed once he is ready and wants to. I’m not going to force it on him though, at least not yet. We cuddle together before bed every night and he usually asks me rub his back or he’ll lay on John’s chest. Once he is finished his bottle he rolls over and will just stare at me and smile. It seriously melts my heart every time. I then just put my arm around him and I’ll read him “Bless Me” by Grace Maccarone. I don’t read it from the book… I have it memorized now. I then lean over, give him a kiss and whisper goodnight lovebug… sweet dreams & I love you. He just looks at me and smiles and will sometimes whisper I love you back to me. I seriously love him more than I thought I could ever love anyone.

Anyway, this morning we were going through our day as usual. It was grammy’s last night here last night as her new place is finally ready. So we woke up, came downstairs, we got everyone fed and grammy got ready to go to work. To make a long story short she told Aiden that she would see him Sunday and then gave him a kiss goodbye. About a half hour later Aiden was running around playing. Raelene was sleeping upstairs in her crib and Violet was sleeping in her swing. Aiden turned around and asked me if he could call daddy. I said, of course let me see if he can talk (he’s at work today). I got up to go and find the phone and the next thing I know is Aiden got all upset and ran himself into the front door. He hit the door so hard he bounced off it and just sat on the ground. I continued to get the phone and call John to see if he had a minute to talk to Aiden. I think Aiden has been missing him a lot. Between John working and helping his mom move, he hasn’t been around much lately and when he is he also has to split up his time with the girls too. To make another long story short, I got the phone and called John. Aiden had a complete meltdown and was hysterically crying. He was just so sad it broke my heart. He was sobbing and we kept asking him what was the matter but he wouldn’t answer. I felt horrible and I got him a bottle to try to calm him down so I could see why he was so upset. He still wouldn’t tell me. John talked to him for a while and then had to get back to work so I just sat on the sofa with Aiden cuddling him. I had my arm around him and his head was sitting on my chest as we watched “blues room” together. He looked over at me and grabbed my left hand and was like “mommy, hold my hand” and started sniffling again. Talk about wanting to cry! I turned to him, kissed his forehead and said of course I’ll hold your hand love. He leaned over again and put his head on my chest with my right arm around his back & shoulders and him holding my left hand with both of his hands. It breaks my heart to know that Aiden is sad or hurting in anyway, especially when I don’t know what I can do to make it all better. So we just sat there for a while cuddling and holding hands until he was feeling better & ready to get up and go on playing. As I sat there holding Aiden’s hand all I could think about was how much I love him and I would do anything for him. He truly is my everything and my heart and soul.

I then had a flashback to a blog that my dear friend Lizzie had written a little while ago about her lil sweetheart Alex. You can read the blog post by clicking on her name. To make another long story short, she was talking about all of the sleepless nights and how it takes a toll on her and to quote her last paragraph(hopefully it’s ok)…

“And while those days are long, and the lack of sleep can take its toll, I will always get up with him if he needs me, my little non-sleeper. Because as hard as it is to continuously wake up in the night and be functional the next day… the hardest thing I could ever imagine.. harder than not sleeping a wink all night… will be the day he stops asking to hold my hand.”

I can totally relate to her and how she feels. Aiden is my little mommy’s boy and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve also had plenty of those sleepless nights, especially the last 7 months since the girls arrived. There are some days that I am so tired that I seriously don’t feel like I can keep my eyes open another second or even function properly, but somehow I manage to do it for the kids. No matter how tired I get or how I feel, I need to roll out of bed and be there for my little ones. I make it work… we make it work, we have to for them. No matter how overwhelming and frustrating it can get some days, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can say at the end of every day, while I’m lying there in bed ready to pass out I am so thankful for all three of my little blessings and I can’t imagine not having them in my life. They truly are my heart and soul.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering why I went off on that ramble about Lizzie’s blog and stuff it was because as I was sitting there with Aiden and he was beside himself, when he looked over at me in tears and asked me to hold his hand… I thought about how hard the day will be for me when he feels like he’s “too grown-up” to hold my hand or call me mommy. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry. He's my little boy and always will be. I know he will eventually grow up but it's really hard to think of that day, so for now I will just go on enjoying every second good or bad of me being his favorite girl in the world and the one he turns to no matter what.

I hope that this story makes some sense in some way to someone or I got my point across. I know what I am trying to say and how I feel but again between all of the interruptions and distractions (which I don’t mind at all) it may have turned more into a mindless ramble.

On another note... I also can't believe that a month from today my lil man will be 3 years old. Where does time go????