First doctors appointment...

Last night I talked to my Grandmom and I have to say she doesn't seem to pleased with me right now. The whole marriage thing was brought up right after all of the "oh's & I see" "what are you going to do now" comments. I told her what I told everyone else. John and I are in NO hurry to get married or rush into it. We've both been there and done that. Since we both had our divorces finalized in October of 2004 marriage doesn't always work out the way we planned it to. We both planned on getting married once and that lasting us a lifetime, guess what... it didn't happen. As far as I'm concerned you don't need a stupid piece of paper sitting in some states office somewhere to tell someone that you love them and are committed to them. I'm sure other people think differently than I do on this subject and that's fine. These are mine and John's feelings on the matter. Will we get married one day? I'm sure we will. But it is not on the top of our list of priorities right now and just because you get knocked up doesn't mean you have to rush into marriage. Marriage is stressful enough without rushing into it for all the wrong reasons. Again, my feelings on the matter. He will be a good Dad and I will be a good Mom no matter what. This I'm sure of. Ok, let me get off the soapbox now.

We went to the doctors today for our first visit and found out that the baby is due on August 4, 2004. That will make the lil munchkin a Leo. We kind of knew that all ready but now its confirmed. The doctor says that I'm about 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant. So I'm confused. One website says 8 weeks, one website says 9 weeks. So your guess is as good as mine. I guess its just a matter of a couple of days with the end result of your birthday being August 4th. So I had to change a few dates on here according to the doctors calculations. I have to say I'm a little disappointed. I wanted to hear a heartbeat or something. It still doesn't seem real to me. Aside from the fact that my boobs are getting HUGE!!! We just went over all of the families medical history, did lots of blood work, they made me pee in a cup after I had pee'd right before going to the doctors, and did an internal exam. She said I feel about 8 weeks, so I'm good. Don't ask me how that works, I have no idea. I got prenatal vitamins to start taking. I told her how I only started taking Flintstone vitamins like last week and she said that's fine. Just start the prenatal vitamins ASAP. So I will. She was complimenting me on how nice John is. That I have her approval. He's a good egg, and I know it. While we were sitting there waiting for her to come in I told John this is all his fault. He just started laughing and said I was wandering when you were going to start with that. Haha. We go back on January 27th for our first Ultrasound. So I have to wait like 4 more weeks to hear a heartbeat and stuff. I'm sure its going to be a long 4 weeks *sniffle*. I will have to have another ultrasound around 15 weeks to make sure that my Cervix is strong enough to hold the baby up there. Since the surgery I had last year, there is like a 10% chance that it won't be and I could miscarriage in the second trimester. We're not even going to think about that though. I say my prayers for her every night. Notice I say her I'm hoping that its a girl, I already have her name but no matter what it is I will love it just the same.

9 Weeks...

Your baby is about one inch from crown to rump - or roughly the size of a strawberry. Weighing in at one gram, your baby is very active, although you can't feel its movements yet. He or she now has all the major organs, muscles, and nerves; and a Doppler may be able to identify the heartbeat. While his or her testes or ovaries are formed, the external genitalia still appear sexless, which is why it is too early for an ultrasound to reveal its gender. Eyelids are beginning to form and the trunk is straightening and elongating, cartilage and bones are forming, the basic structures of the eyes are in place, and the tongue is beginning to develop. The fingers and thumb are visible, albeit short and webbed.




*Baby has begun movement - While still too small for you to feel, your little one is wriggling, shifting, and dancing already! Makes you almost wish for a window to peek in whenever you want!
*Most joints are formed now - and trust that your little one is practicing bending and flexing.
*Fetus will curve its fingers around an object placed in the palm of its hand - This is amazing to see! At only nine weeks, if you happen to have an ultrasound, you may observe your infant fascinated by everything he or she can lay their fingers on (mainly other fingers, toes, ears and nose!
*Fingerprints are already evident in the skin
*Average size this week -- length 0.9 inch (2.3cm), weight 0.07 ounce (2gm)

Just some mindless dribble...

Ok, so I still didn't call my Grandmom and tell her yet. I don't know why I am procrastinating so much about it. I just need to do it and get it over with. I was worried about what everyone else would say or think and they are all ecstatic and really excited! This seriously makes me and John so happy. I will probably just make the call to her tonight after work. John is sick as a dog, I feel bad for him. He ended up calling out of work today to try to get some rest. I'm seriously jealous and wish that I was at home in bed too. I'm just so tired and I seriously hope I don't get sick. I don't think I would be able to handle that right now. I think staying out until 2:30 in the morning on Christmas Day was a big mistake. We just had so much to do and so many people to visit. Last night was another rough night. No matter how tired I am at the end of the day, I just can't sleep at night. I am constantly waking up and sitting there for 1/2 hour to 45 minutes then fall asleep for like an hour or two. This is a viscous cycle that goes on and on throughout the entire night! I will ask the doctor about it on Friday when I go. I seriously can't wait to go. I never thought I would hear that come out of my mouth. I've been so tired lately and just feeling yucky I want to make sure that everything is ok. I also feel bad that I haven't been taking any kind of prenatal vitamins. The doctor's office didn't say anything about it and I didn't ask. Like I've mentioned before... I'm totally clueless! I've been doing a little research online and stuff but I haven't had the chance to do much because of the holidays and stuff. That was keeping me busy enough. Thank goodness it is over until next year. I started taking Flintstone vitamins last week so hopefully that will help a little and on Friday I'll get prenatal vitamins from the doctor. I hope everything is ok. I'm sorry lil baby!!! I don't mean to suck. Oh, and we have some more good news... I don't think that I mentioned this before or not but my dad said that I am allowed to bring the baby into work with me when John is working. So that we don't have to worry about daycare. This is a big thing because we seriously can't afford to pay someone to watch her and I can't afford not to work and I was really worried and stressing about it. John started to tear up when he heard it because he was so happy. Me I was just crying for weeks about it but now I think it has set in that this is real and I'm ok with it. It will probably be hard in the beginning but we'll make it work... we have to.

Part 3 of the family notifications...

John told his mom and her family about the pregnancy on Christmas Day when he went to see them. They are all very happy as well. His mom cried but it was a good cry. John said he wished I was there but I wasn't. I cook dinner for my family for the holidays so I do my thing and he does his. Then we meet up in the end. We were trying to get together with her for lunch or dinner but with the holidays and our work schedules we just couldn't get anything planned. John is giving his mom, her first grandchild. She is ecstatic, so I am happy. He called his dad on Christmas and told him as well. He seemed happy as well. So now pretty much everyone in the family knows except my grandmom. I was going to call her on Christmas and tell her as well but I was so busy I just didn't get to do it. I will probably just call her tonight to see how her Christmas was and tell her. I don't know what she will say, she can be pretty judgmental of people. Then again, I was worried about what everyone else would say and they are all happy. So it was alot of stress and worry over nothing. Christmas was fun and I'm happy that it is finally over. I was so far behind with everything this year. I guess just from being so tired and not feeling well all the time. We got everything done like our baking, shopping, wrapping, and sending out cards. It was all done last minute but we got it done in time. I guess with all of the stress and worry it is taking a serious toll on me. I'm exhausted!!! My stomach has been upset for days now. I think I ate one cookie that I baked this year. I just couldn't bring myself to eat them. So John got the job of taste tester and I just took his word on it if they were good or not. I can't wait to go to the doctors on Friday to make sure that everything is OK and talk to her about this not sleeping and being so tired. A few people told me that the feeling sick constantly "usually" only lasts the first 3 months and I am sooooo hoping that is the case with me. If not, like I said before.... it's going to be a LONG 9 months!

Part 2 of the family notifications...

Well, last night we had our pre-Christmas get together at my dad's house. We ended up telling them the news. My sister Sandy was like if you don't tell them I am. Haha. She can't stand keeping secrets. I'm surprised she made it the 3 days she did. So 1/2 way through the night my sister was talking to my dad's wife about babies and stuff. I guess trying to feel them out or bring up the subject of babies. Then she kept looking at me and John and smiling, like if you don't tell now I'm going to. So finally John was like ok everyone, Traci and I have some exciting news to share with all of you. Marge (my dad's wife's mother blurted out Your having a baby)! Of course my eyes filled up with tears and I started crying again. They were all very happy and giving us hugs and stuff. I couldn't control my crying though. Its not that I'm not happy... really. It is just that I'm really scared. Life as we know it is changing and will be no more. I'm scared about financially being ok and of course about gaining too much weight. Luckily for me I hardly eat because of always being nauseous. I'm also scared about being a good parent. What if I seriously suck as a mom. I mean, I really don't think I will but you know. Then I wonder about what the little munchkin will be like. She or he will be a good kid of course and happy. I refuse to have a bad child. I know that all children have their "moments" but when I see kids being bad, running around like crazy, and being mean or disrespectful it seriously drives me insane and I feel like going up and smacking them myself! I guess because we weren't raised like that and we were for the most part "good kids." When we were out with our parents whether it was dinner, the mall, movies, or whatever we were always very good and if we weren't we knew we would be punished when we got home! All my parents had to do was give us that "look". I'm sure it will all be fine, we'll be fine, and our lil munchkin will be fine. I just worry, stress, and obsess about everything. Maybe it is the Virgo in me... who knows. Its just something I do all the time. Now all we have to do is tell John's family. That will be done this weekend as he wants to tell them in person, rather than over the phone. I also think its better that way. I'm sure that they will be happy as well. Everyone is very happy for us, John is very happy, and so am I. I'm just scared to death and I think still partially in denial. I know its silly and it will pass and I will be fine. We have very loving and supportive network of family and friends and that I am thankful for...

8 Weeks...

Your baby’s fluttering heart would show up on an ultrasound performed this week. He or she is between 0.56 and 0.8 inches from crown to rump - or about the size of a grape - its liver is churning out large amounts of red blood cells, and will continue to until the bone marrow forms and takes over this function. Week eight marks the beginning of a very busy developmental stage: its face continues to change as the ears, eyes and the tip of the nose appear; the intestines start to form in the umbilical cord; and your baby's teeth begin to develop under the gums.



*Cartilage and bones begin to form - At the end of this week your baby will have already completed 1/5th of the journey 'til his birthday!
*The basic structure of the eye is well underway - The position is more "newborn" like already!
*The tongue begins to develop
*Intestines move out of the umbilical cord into the abdomen.
*Body grows and makes room - Two months along and this little one is growing inside and out by leaps and bounds!
*The fingers and toes have appeared but are webbed and short
*Baby's length (crown to rump) is 0.61 inch (1.6cm) and weight is 0.04 ounce (1gm)

The first of the family notifications...

I'm still tired and not sleeping at night at all. I guess it could be due to stress and things of that nature. I've been having crazy weird dreams too. I figured it out the other night and I sleep in like hour to hour and a half intervals. I seriously hope that the sleepless nights end soon. Yesterday we went to New York for the day with my mom, sisters, and my friend Erin. Of course I had no sleep on Saturday night, so I was exhausted. It was a really fun day and we had a great time, I just think it was alot with having no sleep. So right before lunch my stomach took a turn for the worst and was all upset and pukey feeling. I could hardly eat, but was nibbling on some bread and sipping my ginger ale. Everyone was like what's the matter and stuff. I just said I didn't feel well. John put his head on my shoulder and was like why, what's the matter? He's so excited, he wants to tell everyone. I'm still in denial over the whole thing. Sandy blurts out what are you pregnant? Jokingly of course and my eyes just swelled with tears. So yeah, its out of the bag with at least 1/2 my family. They are really happy for me and John. They're excited about having a little munchkin running around. I think Erin is already trying to plan my baby shower. Haha. Now we just have to tell my Dad and his wife, and John's family. I'm sure his family will be happy too. I'm just worried about what my Dad will think or say. My sister Sandy wants me to tell them on Thursday at our pre-Christmas get together. I'm still undecided, so we'll see what happens.

7 Weeks...

Your baby is tiny but growing fast! He or she is the size of a small bean - about half an inch long - this week and if you could see inside yourself, you'd find your baby has an oversized head in proportion to its body. His or her facial features are still forming, its eyes are just black spots, there are little openings where the nostrils will be, and pits to mark the ears. Protruding buds that will become arms and legs are more noticeable now, and the hands and feet look like tiny paddles. You can't hear it yet, but its little heart is beating about 150 beats per minute (or roughly twice the rate of yours.)



*Elbows form - Again, taking a peek inside you could see your baby's fascination with bending and flexing. Later you will swear you can enlist your child as the star of the next "Karate Kid" movie! *Fingers start to develop - These digits often become your baby's first toy!
*Feet start to appear with tiny notches for the toes - It is fascinating that at less than a half inch, your little guy (or gal) already is leaving "footprints" on your heart!
*Ears eyes and nose start to appear - Although they may resemble an alien life form, these all "shift" soon enough into a more normal appearance.
*Intestines start to form in the umbilical cord - Did you know that initially the intestines are not formed inside your baby's body?
*Teeth begin to develop under the gums - Thankfully, right now you won't be dealing with teething pain!

Its going to be a long 9 months...

I am totally exhausted and honestly don't think I've had a good nights sleep in like two weeks. I toss and turn and have weird and bad dreams. Its horrible... I feel horrible. I just want to sleep, one night of sound sleep will make me a happy girl at this point. I am constantly feeling sick and nauseous. I don't puke but I feel like I am going to any second. When I think of food it turns my stomach in knots and makes me want to get sick, nevermind eatting actual food. I hope that this doesn't last much longer and is just my body adjusting. We still haven't told our families yet. I think we're a little scared of what they are going to say and stuff. We were trying to wait until after our first doctor appointment on the 30th to make sure everything is ok and stuff but I really don't think that is going to happen. I feel sick all the time and just feel miserable and anyone around me can tell. Hell, they might have that "feeling" that I'm pregnant. I have a really hard time getting up in the morning, I guess due to the lack of sleep at night. So needless to say, I've been late to work almost everyday this week. Well, I think I'll end this here as it has turned into a serious bitch session. I'm just tired and not feeling very well today...

6 Weeks...

Your baby's heart is dividing into chambers and will soon find a more regular rhythm. Your little embryo is about 0.08 to 0.16 inches from crown to rump (about the size of a BB pellet) and looks more like a tadpole than a human. But it undergoes a tremendous growth spurt this week: Its major organs - including the kidneys and liver - begin to grow; the neural tube, which connects the brain and spinal cord, will close this week; and your embryo's upper and lower limb buds begin to sprout, which will form the arms and legs. The intestines are also developing and the appendix is in place; and its facial features are starting to form, the nostrils are becoming distinct, and the earliest versions of the retinas of the eyes are forming.



*The arms and legs continue to develop - These limbs are stretching out more and more. Later on you will be feeling those feet and elbows up close and personal right in your bladder!
*Brain is growing well - Did you know that over the course of the remaining months that your baby's brain will develop over 100 billion neurons? This is just the beginning!
*Lenses of the eyes appear - If you could catch a glimpse inside, you would notice your baby's appearance becoming increasing like a newborn's.
*Nostrils are formed - The position of the nose seems to shift into its proper place as well. Soon, the nerves running from the nose to the brain appear.
*Intestines grow - Initially these are actually located outside the baby's body within the umbilical cord.
*Pancreas - Your baby is now equipped to deal with digestive enzymes and take on processing the insulin and glucagons the body needs to function.

What the little munchkin looks like...

It's confirmed...

The doctor called this afternoon and confirmed it, I'm pregnant. I'm scared, happy, and just having a serious range of emotions right now. I don't know what to do.

Test number two...

Ok, I'm still scared after yesterdays test. So this morning I took another home pregnancy test. The results are still Positive! I called the doctor and went in to have some bloodwork done. I'll have the results back sometime on Wednesday afternoon. They said that the home tests are pretty accurate, so the odds are that I'm pregnant...

First thoughts...

Well, now that I've had a little bit of time to let this all settle in. I'm going to tell you all about my reaction to this news. I bought the pregnancy test a few days again while John and I were shopping. I was a few days late on my period and just not feeling well at all. I didn't want to buy one but John insisted. So we bought one and I threw it in the closet and just left it there. I refused to take it. So finally come Saturday morning there was still no sign of aunt flow, so John was like just go and take the test! I went back and fourth about it for a while and then figured it is what it is and I'm sure I'm not pregnant. So I went and got the test out of the closet and we read the directions. I went into the bathroom and did the little pee on the stick thing and just laid the test down on the bathroom sink and walked out. It said it took a couple of minutes to process the results or whatever. So it was just laying there flashing and John went in and was brushing his teeth and stuff. I was just sitting on the bed. I was talking to John and was like does it say anything yet. Nope, Nope, Nope. Finally I was like does it say anything yet?? He just got this huge smile on his face and started to giggle! I was like what, what? What does it say? So I ran in and there it was Pregnant! I didn't know what to think or how I felt. I teared up and got really scared. I was happy but scared. I didn't know what our families would think, or how we would be able to make it work financially and stuff. I was happy, just really scared. I called my friend Jen right away to ask her how accurate the home pregnancy tests are. She was just like OMG congratulations!!! She assured me that they are pretty much like 99% accurate and the odds are I was pregnant. I could take another test and also go to the doctors to have some bloodwork done just to confirm it if I really wanted to. John and I spent the rest of the day talking about it and discussing it. He is really really excited and can't wait to tell the world. Life as we know it will be changing and no more. He says life as we know it isn't over... its just changed in a positive way.

I think this says it all..

I still haven't had a visit from Aunt Flow. I think i'm about 10 or 11 days late. I gave in and took a pregnancy test as John suggested. The results were positive!

He Loves me, oh yes he does...

Just Believe....

Everything happens for a reason... Just Believe